Grief is like the ocean.
It comes in salty waves.
Smacks you down.
Drags you under.
Sucks.
About Me
- Carolyn Hill
- When I first started on Blogger, my handle was "Ratty", maintaining anonymity so that in my "Rat in the Walls" blog I could write about my brother's fatal illness without giving away his identity. Under that pseudonym, I could voice things I couldn't elsewhere. Rats thrive in the dark. ::: Now, five years after his death in 2008, I'm coming out of the walls and reclaiming my humanity.
19 comments:
Dear Ratty,
My heart goes out to you and to all BH's family and friends. Grief does indeed come in waves, and like a tsunami it is overwhelming and destroying. We share your pain as much as any who did not know him personally can.
He has touched so many lives, mine included, and has had a life well-lived, well-loved and well-loving. May all of your family and friends find peace and consolation in knowing how much he cared for you all, as you cared for him.
He would not want you to be smacked down, he would want you to be uplifted.
Dear Ratty,
I was in the midst of a comment and my browser crashed. It was so good too!!!
First, you're so right, grief comes in waves.
I found some books which really helped me soon after my Mother died.
They are...
On Grief and Grieving, by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
http://www.amazon.com/Grief-Grieving-Finding-Meaning-Through/dp/0743266293/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/104-2019109-3524744?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1185505039&sr=8-1
I can't stop crying, by John D. Martin and Mark Ferris (***this was the best)
http://www.amazon.com/I-Cant-Stop-Crying-Someone/dp/1550134078/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/104-2019109-3524744?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1185505074&sr=8-1
There were some others but they were about losing parents.
I've blogged about my grieving process off and on at my Echomouse blog. I blogged a bit after my parents both died last year at my Leafing blog, where I wrote about their declines in health.
http://leafing2.blogspot.com/
Just remember, don't forget to eat.
You matter too. Losing a sibling is very hard and especially when you've been so involved and so close to BH.
If your local Hospice has any services to support you through this time, I highly recommend you take them up on it. My Hospice agency has kept me alive and functioning as well as possible for 7 months now. Reiki, Massage, Integrated Energy Therapy...these have all been incredibly helpful things to work the grief out. And at hospice, they are all specially skilled at helping us get the words and feelings out and knowing how to respond and support us during grief.
I am so very sorry BH isn't with you in physical form anymore. But if it helps, when my sister passed, I imagined her laughing and dancing and being happy finally. I still do that. It helps sometimes. But the tears still come. The one thing I know for sure is that when the tears come, we have to let them flow. And if you have a body shaking earth shattering primal scream episode, just let it rip. I had that a few months after. It scared the hell out of me but got the shock of everything out.
Much Love and {{Hugs}}
Carrie
Just another note of support. I'm so sorry.
Yes, just like waves. If you fight them, you will drown. Go with them and you'll eventually find yourself back on the shore with solid ground under your feet.
body-surf those waves ratty
xx
Our beloved Ratty - To think of you and your pain makes me physically hurt. I want to help. But, what can I do? If you think of something, please tell me. For now, I will just get on my Nemo blow-up toy and paddle like Hell to get by your side in the waves. When you need me -- grab 'hold. And, as Dory said, "Keep swimming." Sending you love from Colorado, -Holly
I imagine I am not alone in revisiting the blog archives and rereading. I was drawn today to November 2006. Now, I am recovering. Phew. That month seemed to "showcase" BH in all his truth. If I met a stranger who wanted to read this blog in a "condensed" form and get to know BH, I would direct that person to the posts from November of 2006. Man. My gut aches and those damned tissues are piling up beside me again. Ratty, please feel our love surrounding you. I am sending you a lot of love and tenderness from Colorado. -Holly
Thanks to you and BH for your honest writing. I agree with your words (and the comments) about grief. I am grieving the death of my 12-year old daughter, and it does come in waves. It is a hard road, and a solitary one; while I'd never wish this path on anyone, the presence of others, especially those further down the road, makes it seem less dark to me. Though I never knew BH, his writing shines and tells me what a gift his life was.
Blessings to you and BH's family.
I never knew you or BH except through your blogs and I offer my condolences as you grieve the loss of your brother. I am so sorry.
hi ratty,
i did not even know you were bh's sister till i revisted your blog today. he truly did a remarkable job of hiding everything ... everything other than his soul and thoughts to us. that is what really matters and he knew it from the onset.
i hope you are having a nice day. i saw the weather, and i surmized that where you all are it's a pleasant day.
peace!!
it does suck. read all your posts just now. know what else sucks?
brainhell said...
disney sucks
April 19, 2007 12:02 PM
disney! yeah :)
hugs
Ratty, my thoughts are with you all today. I hope that you bring each other comfort at this difficult time.Thanks for sharing everything with us over these months in this blog.
I share your grief. My father died the day before your brother. He had an undetermined form of dementia for 10 years (maybe we'll know what it was from the PM). He was 61 which might seem old compared to your brother but still too young. They suffering that they both went through was not right and definitely devastating to watch, although it was much better than not being with them at all.
I also just recently described my grief as coming in waves. I'll be feeling almost normal and then suddenly find my eyes brimming with tears.
I have no answers but I share your pain.
Dear Ratty,
I am so sorry for your loss.
I just found your brother's blog...just now, via a Google search on an unrelated topic. And I immediately thought: I want to know this person. He seems so awesome...
And then I entered the URL of the blog in order to see his most recent entries, only to discover that he had already passed. I didn't even know your brother, but that moment, that realization choked me with sadness.
I'm an MS (Multiple Sclerosis) sufferer myself, and I'd like to add a link to BrainHell's blog (and yours) to my own blog, if that's ok.
Thinking of you and sending positive energy your way...
Yours,
With Love,
X.
[Note: I deleted the first version of this comment because I noticed some grammar / spelling errors that I wanted to correct.]
Thinking of you and Brainy, Ratty. I hope it's at least a little comfort that there are so many of us out there who never actually got to meet your brother but have been so...challenged and changed...by his words.
Ratty:
I still think of Brainy and your family often. I just wanted to stop by and let you know. I hope you are all doing well. I used to blog as Sis B, but life changed things up a bit so I'm not there any more.
I can't believe it has been so long already.
Peace and love to you and yours.
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